New Orleans, LA – A local gastroenterologist dropped his hospital’s most powerful non-nuclear suppository on an ISHITS (also sometimes referred to as ISHART) target in the medicine ward Thursday, the first time this type of suppository has been used on the wards or ICU, according to hospital officials.
A BM-4U Massive Odorous Air Blast Bomb (MOAB), nicknamed the “mother of all brown bombs,” was dropped at 7:30 p.m. local time, according to four hospital officials with direct knowledge of the mission. A MOAB is a 3 foot-long, 2000 gram, GPS (Gluteal Positioning System) -guided suppository. Even Hospital CEO Donald Dump called it “another successful disimpaction job” later Thursday.
What to know about the MOAB
- Nicknamed the “mother of all brown bombs”
- Kept in Super Duper Specialty Pharmacy
- Concocted from proprietaty mixture of Dulcolax, Miralax, Senna, Cascara, Colon Blow, Amitiza, Linzess, Essential Lavender Oils, a hint of Vosyn, and some Prune Juice
The suppository was dropped by a PGY-4 GI Fellow, stationed in the hospital and overseen by the Chairman of the Gastroenterology Department, James “Mad Dog” Flatus, a hospital spokesman told Gomerblog.
Officials said the target was an ISHITS rectum and sigmoid colon in the Uranus district of patient I.M. Nagannapoop, a remote area in the patient’s southern most orifice which borders his scrotum.
“The Hospital takes the fight against ISHITS very seriously and in order to defeat the impaction we must deny them rectal space, which we did,” Hospital Spokesman Sean Sphincter said later Thursday. The strike “targeted a system of large intestine that feces used to move around freely before massive opioid abuse infiltrated the area.”
After the MOAB was deployed, an enormous mushroom cloud was seen emanating from the medicine wards. Staff from such remote departments as Radiation Oncology and Pathology were reportedly seen crawling out from their offices to see what all the commotion was about.
Initial assessments claim no collateral damage to surrounding patients. Approximately 36 pieces of stool were reportedly disimpacted in the blast. Stay with Code Brown as we continue to get to the bottom of this story.